To discover who you are; lose yourself.
Some of the most beautiful things in life will never reveal themselves on the surface, but once you get beneath it, the world will never look the same.
Life has an interesting way of coming around full circle. Imagine riding a rollercoaster —we enjoy the adrenaline rush but the twists and turns make you nauseous, and when everything settles you leave that ride with a whole new perspective but probably feeling worst than you did before.
I can almost vividly recall the feeling I had last year as the world plunged into a COVID-19 driven lockdown. I felt powerless to this weird force that was wreaking havoc in my life. In the span of weeks, I lost a lot of important things in my life, key parts that I thought contributed to who I was, to my identity. I remember daily messages from friends ultimately becoming weekly check-ins, then monthly, and then never. Everybody had their own shit to deal with at this point — and mine was staring into my soul, ready to be confronted. My life felt like one big, chaotic mess.
If there would be a perfect storm. For me, COVID-19 was it. Being a high achiever was a big part of my personal identity. I had an unrelenting need to be “busy” quite often. So during COVID, I was working on a number of high-impact projects but this time I was in total isolation and had feelings I never fully processed. I started taking CBD and adopting daily habits to deal with the anxiety and stress. After weeks of not dealing with “my shit”; I decided to tackle it head-on. I learned an unrelenting lesson about self-love and valuing the things/people in my life. I realized I had to give myself permission to wipe my slate clean. To turn sadness into gratitude. Insecurities into determination. Anger to happiness. I realized this version of myself wasn’t who I wanted to be and I had to create an allowance to evolve.
Chances are your insecurities are stopping you from living a great life. Maybe you’re worried about what other people might think, or people have constantly let you down, or maybe you just don’t know where to start. Well here are some of the most valuable lessons I’ve learned over the past year:
1. Life’s greatest experiment? Becoming who you are.
Think of your life as a science experiment. You can mix, match and explore new things until you find the formula that works for you. And then experiment even more.
As Socrates once said, “True wisdom comes to each of us when we realize how little we understand about life, ourselves, and the world around us.” There’s so much out there to try — don’t become stuck in your ways.
Our ego yearns for form. We tend to associate ourselves with things to help create our identity. I want you to start with “why”; why are you the way you are? Then now ask “what if?”… Do you struggle with showing your emotions? What if you practiced more vulnerability? What if your version of the truth is not really the truth? What if your friend has an even bigger problem than your petty complaints? What if you are not your reactions?
The best thing you can do is live with an open mind and open heart. What all this means is that setbacks no longer indicate an end of the road (or of the world), but instead signify that something went wrong with your “life” experiment. As a result, you must now make the necessary adjustments to run the experiment again in order to get a more optimal result.
“…your entire life is an experiment about living; about living in an optimal way where you try to make the most of every situation in order to help you live life to the very best of your ability,”
2. If you want a great life; evaluate the conversations you have with yourself.
Our thoughts become our reality. Most times we are creating unnecessary friction in our lives because of the internal conversations we have. We struggle to empathize with our feelings. We struggle to be radically honest with ourselves. Instead, we spend all our time worrying about what others might think about us. Worried about things way beyond our control.
If you want to change your life. Change the conversations you have with yourself. Never lose sight of how abundant life is. Don’t allow your thoughts to hold you hostage. Speak power into your life. Be honest with yourself about where you are and where you want to be.
“If there is no enemy within, the enemy outside can do us no harm” ~African Proverbs
Ps — Speaker power into the lives of those you care about. Fill their spaces with positivity and honesty. Care more about the way you make people feel than winning or being right. This is a power we all have that can really make your friendships worthwhile.
3. Vulnerability = Owning Your Story.
Your insecurities lose power over you when you put them into the world. As you experiment in life and learn more about yourself, find people you trust and care about. Share your true authentic self with them. Our insecurities are a part of our beauty. Everyone has them!
As we evolve we must surround ourselves with people who will love us regardless — and become comfortable that it might not be our old friends.
“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy — the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.”
Contrary to popular belief vulnerability isn’t about telling someone your deepest darkest secret. It’s about expressing yourself authentically.
3. Make memories while you can!
You don’t need to go on a lavish trip to enjoy life with your friends. Take a trip to the beach, go for a walk, create a shared bucket list, or even have dinner together.
When all is said and done. You’ll remember the moments you were having fun. Allow yourself to adore the simple things in life. Crack a smile instead of being upset. Minimize regret at all costs.
“The most beautiful moments in life are moments when you are expressing your joy, not when you are seeking it.”
5. Your greatest power is choice.
There is power in our ability to choose. Become comfortable with making choices and dealing with the results. Most people would rather fantasize about doing things in their life than just actually doing it.
Want to travel more? Start by leaving your home more. That’s a choice.
Feel stuck? Explore more. That’s a choice.
Life isn’t black and white. Often times we have over 100 different options — the most important thing is not becoming paralyzed by our choices. Make the decisions that optimize your experiments. So if you want to discover new places then ensure your choices allow.
6. You can’t “to-do list” your way to success.
JUST FUCKING DO IT! I realized so many people in my community preferred spending their time planning, strategizing, or researching about building a business and pursuing a new hobby.
Well, my advice to you is to take the plunge! Like with any experiment in science, the only way to know the results is: do the damn thing, observe the results, reflect and adapt.
“There comes a point in your life when you need to stop reading other people’s books and write your own.” — Albert Einstein
Instead of turning our passions + ambitions into to-do list items, turn them into a way of being. Engrain them in your personality. So if you want to explore more then just make that a part of you and make the choices that allow you to.
7. Fill your life with love and understanding.
Find your tribe. Make your life an expression of love. Love your friends, family, and your neighbors. Love requires great empathy and understanding. We can’t change people but we can choose to accept them.
Don’t let life make you hard. Operate in a way that reflects how much you care. When something matters to you, don’t move like it’s nothing to you. Our relationships are a constant experiment of who we are, what we value, and how we express it.
When a relational experiment fails. Don’t close yourself off. The decisions other people make have everything to do with them and very little to do with you. So choose love! Even when people think it’s corny or weird. If you're filled with love then you have no space for hate and you become liberated from the energy it takes to hate.
And remember when things go awry: “Let it hurt. Let it heal. Let it go.”
8. Trust God. Get to work.
AKA “hold the vision. get to work”. Regardless of where you are in life right now, you can ultimately create a life that YOU are proud of. Wake up every day and relentlessly pursue your aspirations. But remember life isn’t linear things will go up, down, and around town. Let your faith and trust in your abilities be your north star.
Often times we never become the full version of ourselves because we become entangled in the expectations of others. Relinquish that need for external validation. Trade it for trust in your abilities regardless of the results it produces.
You suck at your passion right now because you just started practicing it. Continue learning (the process) and ruthlessly experiment with your passion (get to work).
9. Show up for the people you care about.
Nobody likes a flake. If you don’t show up for the people you care about then chances are you aren’t showing up for yourself. Make a commitment. Show up. I heard it best in a quote: “Mean what you say and say what you mean”.
Don’t recite a bunch of excuses to share with people you care about. Try honest communication instead. If you can’t make it — say something. If you fear something — say something.
Don’t just show up! Show up with the enthusiasm and an open mind.
10. Life doesn’t always become easier — but knowing how to deal with it does
Life has an interesting way of coming full circle. It feels like I’m at a similar place today. I recently had to make a tough decision with some friends. I’ve slowly observed our daily messages become shorter responses and even more delayed responses. The feeling of losing people who brought you joy is super hard but over time it becomes easier.
Today I’m filled with extreme gratitude. I didn’t think I would survive the past three years but man.. I am standing here a drastically changed version of myself. I’m clear on my purpose. I’m clear on my abilities. I feel confident in my abilities to deal with life’s hardship.
Writer’s Note: Sending love your way! I’m happy to chat about any of the ideas above. I have strong opinions, loosely held.
Visit: https://jadanjohnson.com
